Why Alice?

You should know that my name is not Alice. My name is Lauren. Although, at times, I wish I were an Alice. For the longest time I hated the name because it reminded me of Alice from the Brady Bunch. Not that I didn’t like Alice from the Brady Bunch, but she was middle-aged and homely, and hardly someone I could relate to growing up. It wasn’t until I read the book The Last Summer (of You and Me) by Ann Brashares that I fell in love with the name. I’ve read the book so many times I’ve acquired a certain nostalgia for it.

So why is my blog named Alice in Waiting? Well, if you’ve read Ann’s book you know that there is a significant theme that appeals to waiting and transitioning. Alice waits for her sister’s and her childhood best friend, Paul, to come to the island after a three year absence; Alice waits for Paul to admit he’s in love with her and wants to be with her; Alice waits for her sister, Riley, to tell Paul the secret that keeps him and Alice apart.

Alice does a lot of waiting. I can resonate, empathize, sympathize – you name it – with this concept of waiting – waiting for things to change. Like Alice, there are so many things I aspire to do, that I want to happen in my life, and there’s really nothing to do but wait. I know that God is working to make things happen for me, but the transitioning of these things is such an idle feeling. It almost feels like there’s nothing at work.

I imagine this is much of what Alice felt in Ann’s novel. Each time I read her book, I see something different. This past time, it struck me how young Alice seemed. The other times I read the story, she seemed older, but now she seems so young at 21 – almost like a child – in her demeanor, the way her parents treat her, the way Paul treats her. She seems most like this when she’s on Fire Island. I found this ironic, considering I was just on vacation with my parents at the beach and I, being almost 21 (Alice’s age in the book), felt more like I was 14 or 15 around my parents the whole week. It was aggravating and somewhat degrading. I hated how quickly I became a child around them. I hated even more that I didn’t act more of an adult.

I couldn’t ignore these parallels between Alice and myself. I won’t say that Ann was writing myself onto the page, but she definitely wrote a character with whom I can empathize on many different levels. And while the title of this blog is mostly because of my fondness of Ann’s book and her character Alice, I couldn’t help but notice that Alice from Alice in Wonderland kept believing she was in this dream state from which she simply had to wake up. That’s how I feel sometimes. That I’m walking around in a dreamland waiting for my life to awaken.

This blog is not a dedicated to Ann Brashares, her characters, or Alice in Wonderland, but I wanted to draw these parallels to explain why a person named Lauren has a blog title with the name Alice in it. Yes, that took an entire post to explain. I’m a little wordy.

With this blog, I hope to mainly foster my writing. With my old blog, I was worried too much with meme’s and trying to package my blog into something that was a product. It took me a week of no blogging to figure out that I didn’t want a product. I wanted something a little more journalistic. I had a private blog a few years ago that was basically an online journal, and I loved writing in it, but the only problem was that I wanted to share it with people, but couldn’t get up the guts to make it public.

I’m older now. I’ve changed since then. And I think I’m brave enough, or at least less paranoid, to open up my thoughts to other people. It was something I was afraid to do on my former blog because I had family who knew about it, and I was uncomfortable with them possibly finding it. To be completely honest, that was the biggest reason why I changed blogs. I wanted to be able to go places I didn’t feel like I could go with my family being able to see my blog. So, this is it. This is my new place. I really hope you enjoy it here, and I’m looking forward to writing for you.


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